In Pursuit of Love
by Jadecoyote
Summary: Zapp has never had any luck with love. Despite his fame his charm and arrogance tends to scare away the women like the plague. The Captain looks to the most unlikely person, his "bestfriend" Kif...Oh boy!
1. Chapter 1

In Pursuit of Love

Jadecoyote

Rated: T+

(I thought this up because I have been watching all lot of Futurama lately. Zapp and Kiff are really my favorite characters. I hope you like)

Zapp Brannigan sat in his chair he called his "special throne". The tears ran down his face gliding through his fingertips. He was a defeated captain, an overweight sack of humanity. The once great Dressed in his red and gold uniform, his blond hair was tussled with his gloved fingertips as he let a serie of deep breaths between sobs. Things have been spiraling down for him for some time. Even though he was a sharp dresser he was dis-sheveled and smelled strongly of scotch and cotton candy.

"Oh Kif! What have I done wrong? Isn't there any woman in the whole universe that will love me?"he cried, his shoulders moving as he sobbed, sniffling. Kif let out a long sigh and looked at the man and walked up to him and started to pat him on the back. "There there sir..."he said, looking as if this was the last thing he wanted to do. Zapp raised his sorrowful face up and looked at the green alien. "Maybe Amy knows someone who is looking for a little Zapp-excitment" Zapp said in a voice of high hope and confidence. Kiff looked at his commanding officer, his lipless mouth forming a flat line remembering when he slept with Amy on his Fon-Fon Ru. Seeing that expression Zapp cocked his head to the side and gave a relaxed smile. "Don't worry Zapp, Amy couldn't handle the sexiness. I need a woman who can keep up with the Brannigan-brand"he stated, as if that was supposed to enstill confidence in his Lieutenant. Zapp opened his mouth to say something but closed it, the insulting words at the tip of his brain, but he didn't dare say, though he was sick and tired of the Captain.

"Please Kif. You have been in a relationship before. You know about women. The sexiness that oozes from me doesn't seem to have a lasting appeal. Let me be your student. I will do whatever your say. PLLEEAASSEE" Zapp cried putting his hands togather in a begging motion. "Don't make me humiliate myself any more. You are my greatest and best friend in the whole universe"he cried. The only woman Zapp had slept with is Turanga Leela and he didn't noticed when he was rebuffed by the young cycloptian woman. Zapp stared at Kiff waiting for his answer. This was a whole new additude for Zapp to take. Usually he would bully and absolutely ignore anything Kif had to say. The Lieutenant didn't trust this sincereness. Captain Zapp Brannigan didn't know how to be sincere, kind, and compassionate. It wasn't in his sexist, egotistical, and annoying nature.

Kif looked at Zapp feeling like he might regret this. It might be another trick, another manipulation. Every angle he went over in his oversized head trying to consider these things. Was this to get the attention of Turanga Leela, or something else with his head up his rare end. Letting out a series of deep breaths he looked down at his white gloves, then back up at Zapp. The other side of it was that Kif didn't know anything about meeting women. He loved Amy and only Amy and none before that. He couldn't even bring himself to call and talk to Amy (calling her and making breathing/stuttering noises for ten minutes at a time). Deep inside Kif knew that Zapp would not give up on this if he said no, and it would be equally hellish if he said yes.

"Fine..." Kif said softly.

(Yes I know this is short. I have no idea how this is going to go. The Planet Express crew is going to find this quite unbelieveable)


	2. Chapter 2

In Pursuit: Chapter 2 -The Second Agreement

Jadecoyote

Rated: T

At Planet Express the ship was being prepared for another mission. Leela was standing in the livng area looking with absolute annoyance at Fry and Bender sitting there, like slouching animals. Putting her hands on her hips she narrowed her single eye. "Don't you two ever do anything around here except sit, drink, and watch television?"she asked with a sigh in her voice. Bender brought the bottle of beer to his metallic mouth and poured the contents in and let out a loud burp. Fry put his arms behind his head and looked over at her with a calm smile. "C'mon Leela, I think we deserve down time" he replied placing his feet on the table and leaning back a bit. "Thats right we need to relax our tired muscles" Bender said chuckling. Leela let out a long sigh and was grateful when she heard the bell ringing at the door.

Leela walked to the door and pressed the button, the door hissing open. She was quite suprised to find Kif standing there, wringing his hands looking agitated. Leela took a step back to let him in before even asking why hes there. "Kif, what are you doing here?"she asked. Kif stood there rooted to the spot, his head bowed slightly. "I need your help. I...well...oh dear"he said and let himself be led inside. Leela wondered if this was about Amy, but she had a sinking feeling it was more then that. Leela led him to the conference table and had him sit down. Amy came out and looked at Leela "Who was at the..d-"she stopped when she saw Kif sitting at the table. Kif looked up at Amy but then down again. His feelings would never be the same after her sleeping with Zapp.

"I have come on behalf of the dumb ass. Be assured that he doesn't know that I have come for help. He wants me to help him in...in.."he started to say and let out a long, belabored sigh. He looked at Amy for a moment then back down again, the betrayel still lingering in his beady eyes. Amy opened her mouth to say something but the hesitation showed in her eyes. Leela saw this tension between the two and decided to speak up. "What does Zapp want from you? To shine his boots? Do your laundry?"she said in a drawn out voice.

Kif swallowed hard and shook his head. "No, those things I am used to doing. What he wants me to do is...oh geez his is embarrassing. He wants me to find him a girlfriend"he stuttered out, his shoulders slumping when he finished. Leela's first reaction was to laugh at such an absurd thing. Zapp was an absolute baffoon who had persued her and shouted from every corner of the universe that they have slept togather. Letting out a sigh she looked at the green alien sitting there and glanced at Amy who seemed to be bustling out of her skin, and Kif sitting there.

"And you want our help?" Leela asked calmly. "Yes, please" Kif begged, looking at Leela his lips forming a frown. "If we help you then Zapp would stop bothering me"she said outloud. Amy was watching Leela and Kif quietly, her eyes darting from one to another. Leela knew this would also mean that she would have to come in contact with Zapp again, this would challange her tolerance. Amy bit her lower lip "It wouldn't hurt, Leela"she said knowing the trouble that Zapp caused Kif on a daily basis. Tilting her head back she tossed her ponytail and looked at Kif with almost an expression of pity. Crossing her arms she let out a deep sigh.

"Alright I will help" Leela said after a long moment.


	3. Chapter 3

In Pursuit of Love: The Pursuit!

Jadecoyote

Rated: T

Getting Zapp Brannigan a date is like getting Bender to say a nice thing, or getting Fry to change his pants is harder then Leela imagined. She stood with her arms crossed in her white tank top and pants looking at Zapp as he strutted over like a rooster heading for a hen house. His hand came up gliding it through his blond in his gut he walked over to the one eyed woman.

"Hello Leela"he said, flashing his bulging gut starting to show over the girdle under his uniform."Wow Zapp your sure have gotten bigger since I last saw you"she commented pointing to the almost snapping girdle. Kif walked behind Zapp and shook his head behind his captain's back "Its all the creme puffs and lemon cake" he said unable to hide his amusement at Zapp's expense. "Don't forget the prime stealthasaurus it's good eatin." Zapp said licking his stared at him wondering if he even picked up on the fact that he was being called fat. Leela let out a soft sigh. and shook her head matching the same motions as Kif.

"Don't worry Zapp we will find you a girlfriend"Fry said smiling widely. Leela didn't want to point out that Fry has not been able to keep a girlfriend in the 20th century or the 30th century. Zap smiled widely at Fry and patted him on the back nearly knocking him off his feet. "Wonderful! Wonderful!" Zapp said happily. "So where do we start? If they look anything like Leela then I am on my way" the Captain of the Nimbus said joviently. Leela let out a groan and looked at Fry "Well, you claim to be the expert Fry why don't you lead the way" she said pointedly. Fry looked at Leela with confidence in his expression and started to lead her, Zapp, Kif, and Amy who tagged along having an excuse to be near Kif.

Ten minutes later...they were at the local club, Studio 123 the disco club in the center of New York. The music was pumping as they walked inside. Zapp immediatly looked around feeling eager to meet a woman. Leela grabbed Fry's arm and pulled him off to the side. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" she said frowning deeply. "What?" Fry yelled over the music. "ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?"she said much louder. Fry looked at her and smiled "Yes, I do need a beer. Do you want one?"he asked. Leela rolled her eyes and headed for the bar, really needing a drink.

Kif stood looking relieved that he wasn't alone in this horriable, nausiating situation. He knew he should feel dumping this off on the others, but it was better then him dealing with this...delicate situation. Amy looked at Kif and put one a smile to him. "Do you want to dance?"she asked and offered her hand. Kif was torn between still being angry at her for sleeping with Zapp and giving into the strong feelings he has for her. After a moment of processing all of these emotions he took her hand and let himself be swept onto the dance floor.

Zapp approached the bar and tried to talk up every woman he came across with Fry's nudging him, trying to be the wing-man. The girls walked away not impressed by his come ons. When the girls walked away he noticed a beautiful blond girl sitting at the end of the bar, dressed in a purple dress. Zapp smiled widely and reached up, smoothing his hair back and approached.

"Why hello there beautiful. I know what your thinking; is that really the famous Zapp Brannigan. You are absolutely not mistaken."he said in his smoothest voice. Fry watched nodding his head over and over. The woman looked at Zapp and smiled. "Its nice to meet you Zapp. My name is Donna"she said actually smiling at him. Zapp moved closer as Donna turned to focus on her drink. "Your losing her..say something" Fry said softly to the captain. "Compliment her"he added. Zapp looked at Donna and tried to think of something to say then he saw it...a karoke machine.

"ZAPP NOOOOO!" Leela, Fry, Amy, and Kif said at the same time.

It was too late, Zapp had made his way to the stage and clumsily tried to get on the stage. "Its time for the the Velour Fog to show his stuff. This number is for the beautiful lady at the bar" He grabbed the mic and snapped his fingers for the song to start.

"I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,

I've never seen you shine so bright,

Though we have just met and I know you find me fine,

I'm looking for a little romance, given half a chance,

And I have never seen that dress you're wearing,

Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes,

I have been blind;

The lady in purple is flirting with me, eye to eye,

There's nobody here, it's just you and me,

It's where I want to be,

But I hardly know this beauty by my side,

I'll never forget the way you look tonight;"

(Yes he butchered Chris De Burgh's Lady in Red o.o; and badly too)

The results of this was a whole dance floor. Suprisingly to Leela and even Fry that the blond named Donna was sitting there smiling at Zapp as he belted out the song, badly. Amy and Kif were still on the dance floor dancing togather, despite the fact that Zapp was singing, it really didn't matter much to them. "That was beautiful" Donna said as Zapp jumped off the stage. "Why thank you."he said in a confident voice, his ego shooting through the roof. Donna smiled at him and reached out and grabbed his arm. "Lets get out of here"she suggested and Zapp who was secretly giddy inside puffed out his chest and nodded. The group stared after the two of them exiting the club.

COMMERCIAL

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!

(Trust me this isn't the end of it. I am merely putting a commerical here so I can see what everyone things. Please comment and review)


	4. Chapter 4

The Lost Zapp

The next day Kif stood at the door of Planet Express feeling a sense of deja-vu overtaking him. Fry opened the door and looked at him "Hey whats up?"he asked wearing only a pair of boxer shorts with smiling suns on it and a white wife-beater. Kif blinked and looked down at his hands that he was wringing. "I am sorry to come here again. Oh dear, but Captain Dumbass hasn't come home and though hes a jerk he is supposed to report to duty. If he doesn't come back then I will be blamed" he said quickly then let out a deep breath to keep himself from hyperventilating. Fry made a tired noise and moved aside to let Kif inside. Everyone else was sitting at the table having a meeting. Amy saw Kif and let out a squealing sound "Hey Kiffy!"she called out. Kif gave her a shy smile.

"He said that Zapp is missing..." Fry said and sat down, tilting his head back and closed his eyes, snoring a few moments later. Leela looked at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe he got his head stuck in a jar or stuck in his own closet...he does have the brain capacity of a ham sandwich" she said scathingly. Kif shared the sentiment but said slowly. "I have checked everywhere and he is nowhere to be seen. I do have a tracking device on him due to all of the times he has..." Instead of finishing the sentance Kif shuddered, the memories of all the embarrassing humiliations he has gone through because of Zapp. Leela looked at him "Then why come to us to find him?"she asked looking like dealing with anything having to do with Zapp is a bug in her butt. Kif reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "Because I am not registered to fly the Nimbus on my own and the Captain is expected to be at the meeting coming up" he replied. Leela sighed. " I guess we have no choice but to help"she said begrudgingly.

(I know this is short but bare with me. I know where this is going but I will finish soon and I know the ending will make you laugh :) )


End file.
